Sincerity At A Distance

 As I got into my early 20s, the discomfort and the struggles I had around my health continued, but I had become resolute in waiting till marriage. So almost by accident, my fears and concerns fell by the wayside. Perhaps part of me felt by disregarding them, they would diminish and disappear. 


I focused on trying to be independent despite the crippling anxiety that kept me wanting to be home. Locked away. I got my license after much intrepidation. I forged ahead in University studying a Bachelor of Arts and maintaining contact with my high school friends. I think although my ailments were plentiful and I struggled with severe fatigue, I pushed on. Partly because I didn't know PCOS was the cause or how it was affecting me.


After a series of traumatic events, I finished on-site University and moved solely to online, which at the time felt like a fix, but in actual fact cause even more problems for me. 


I also started to find myself in the dating scene, I went on my first date with a guy I'd met on a train, who was quite a bit older than me. We chatted over Nando's, but went our separate ways fairly quickly. 


The next guy I dated was younger than me, a musician, studying at TAFE. We were together for a while, but I quickly realized he didn't have my best intention at heart. Which given how self conscious I was about my health and what I had just been through - trauma wise - made it even worse.



So, after those experiences, I kind of decided love wasn't for me and that if it was, God would send love my way. 


Now, this probably loses you on how this is relevant to my health, but really this was kind of what sent me on a trajectory to actually investigate my health. 


After a few months of being at home all the time and feeling a bit isolated with the encouragement of my cousin, I went online and began searching for someone to chat to. Not somebody local. I wanted as much distance between us as possible to avoid having to meet in public. I quickly came across a young guy named Jon, who lived in Winter Park, Florida. He was a Christian, loved the outdoors and music. He was also 10,000 miles away from where I lived in Australia. Couldn't get much further really. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but simply a friend and someone to chat to.


We started of writing each other emails that were over 1,000 words at a time and as time went on, we began to talk each and every day. After 3 months, that appeared to fly by, he admitted that he liked me and thus began our long distance relationship that spanned two and a half years. 

We told each other everything about our lives and while we had our challenges, openness wasn't one of them. We talked about having children, something we both wanted, and when it felt right I told him about my condition. Certain that he would recoil, but caught by surprise when he didn't. It was kind of the sign I needed that I was on this journey with the right person at the right time. 





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