Just A Nervous Nellie

 Throughout high school I was keenly aware that my body was different.

It had a different rythmn, a different way of doing things. But I could never put my finger on the how or the why. Beyond the periods, there was little evidence of the why. 

I was tall and slender for my age, I ate an moderately healthy diet, but I absolutely detested working out or sports. A lot of my bent up energy was poured in to writing, dancing and theatre.

My anxiety became increasingly worse once I hit puberty. I found myself anxious, sometimes without even knowing why, constantly revved up and on guard. It became increasingly normal to me, so I didn't know to question it. Conflicts and teen drama took their toll at times and I didn't want to leave the house. I felt like the whole world was ready to critique, judge or ridicule me. So I lived in fear of making mistakes or disappointing everyone. What this created was a young girl, who outwardly appeared rigid, sometimes egotistical and controlling, while inside was really the complete opposite. 

I didn't know it back then, but this was a major indicator of what was going on beneath the surface of my body.