Dandelion Dreams and Discord

  I was laying in an MRI machine looking up at this image of a maple tree on the ceiling. The first of many experiences that I thought I'd never have. I was trying to lay perfectly still as they snapped x-rays of my lower half. I remember feeling like I needed the toilet, but measuring the number of classical songs I'd heard, there must've been four, so at an average of four minutes each, we must nearly be done. I sighed. Please nearly be done. "Okay, Jessica, you can get up now. You may experience some dizziness or blurryness, so feel free to sit for a while if you need to."  I stood immediately and wandered off to get changed back into my clothes. Somewhere between having gotten dressed and leaving the MRI room, my vision blurred, but I slowly made my way back to Jon who was waiting outside in the car.  When I returned to the gynecologist, a week or two later, he had results for me.  "Everything internal is normal. Which is obviously good news. In terms of

  Warning: This story is of a personal nature about women's health. This Doctor pushed his spectacles up his nose slightly, rummaging through his papers, his brow furrowing. His caterpillar moustache twitching. "I apologise for the unpreparedness. The computer system is down so I have to rely on the notes in your file." "It's okay." I smiled. "I know you used to see my mother, so I feel I am in good hands."  Once he had read through the notes, he asked to examine me, which led to a discussion. I sat waiting with baited breath for his diagnosis. "It appears you have what's called a labial fusion. You perhaps were born with it. In terms of your symptoms, they appear consistent with PCOS, but up until now you haven't been able to have an internal ultrasound, so it is hard to confirm. So I am going to send you to have an MRI of your lower abdomen to rule out any anomalies and that way we can also confirm whether you have follicles on your

  While Jon and I were still long distance, I started working in early childhood, which I believe kept me fit and healthy. I averaged about 10,000 steps at work a day and enjoyed getting involved in the activities the children were doing such as PE and music. I could even see my own coordination and rhythm improving, which is quite amusing! Young and still quite lean, I didn't see too many physical challenges initially. I noticed my desperation for carbs, but otherwise there wasn't really anything particularly noticeable. I didn't have acne or bad facial hair or any of those other typical tell-tale signs.  When I was probably 3 or 4 years into my job, I started getting chronic infections that I thought were thrush. I'd go to the doctors and tell them, they'd make me do countless urine tests and attempted to swab me. I remember telling the Doctor that I couldn't be swabbed, but she attempted anyway and I remember screaming out in pain as she prodded me. "We

  It's funny as I work backwards through this journey of mine and retrace my steps, I now remember another reason why I put off this journey.  You see, when I got my adult teeth, I developed a severe overbite. 14mm to be precise! This was an inherited condition, my mother had the same and to a slightly lesser extent my grandmother.  So as we began to explore things like braces, which had been held off, because I appeared tall for my age. (Doctors advised us to wait for me to stop growing to avoid teeth movement.) I had to go see all kinds of specialists as I had ear pain causes by jaw.  What eventuated was being told that I would need braces. I would also need to have my jaw broken and pulled forward. Which is an 8 week process, being unable to eat any solid foods or brush your teeth. From all those appointments and particularly the ones with the cranio-facial specialist, I learned that my jaw was wearing away and they believed I had rheumatoid arthritis.  So anywho, that was a big

  As I got into my early 20s, the discomfort and the struggles I had around my health continued, but I had become resolute in waiting till marriage. So almost by accident, my fears and concerns fell by the wayside. Perhaps part of me felt by disregarding them, they would diminish and disappear.  I focused on trying to be independent despite the crippling anxiety that kept me wanting to be home. Locked away. I got my license after much intrepidation. I forged ahead in University studying a Bachelor of Arts and maintaining contact with my high school friends. I think although my ailments were plentiful and I struggled with severe fatigue, I pushed on. Partly because I didn't know PCOS was the cause or how it was affecting me. After a series of traumatic events, I finished on-site University and moved solely to online, which at the time felt like a fix, but in actual fact cause even more problems for me.  I also started to find myself in the dating scene, I went on my first date with

  From the time I was young, I knew I was destined to be a mother, partially because I always wanted that traditional role and also because I had just always imagined it that way. It felt like it was just meant to be.  I was a very girly little girl, who enjoyed dress ups, Barbie and Disney films. I spent my days with a baby doll on my hip and a magic milk bottle in my hand. I'd name them, dress and redress them over and over, change them and carry a gaggle of babies around. My favourite dolls were Dolly Bri (named after my cousin Briony) and Thomas, a baby in a crocheted outfit with closed eyes. I distinctly remember tying my dressing gown around my waist with my baby up under my shirt.  When my brother came along, nearly six years after me without even knowing it, I think I kind of saw him as partly mine. He was a firecracker with grey blue eyes and a full head of glossy curls. Sometimes I was one of few who could understand him. Or at times calm him down. So without even realizi